I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
