at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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