.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
