I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
