And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
