I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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