He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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