So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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