she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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