Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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