I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was CRYING into my vagina
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
