I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
