before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
