I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
