I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
