Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
