That's when you crack a 10am beer
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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