i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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