theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
