.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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