Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my liver is dry heaving
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
