you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
