I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
