That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
