It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
