I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
