he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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