Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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