I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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