I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
