I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
