He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
