I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
