There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
