I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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