I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
