If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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