someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
