guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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