You can't special order awesome
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
