We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
the liver wants what the liver wants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
