At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
