So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
