i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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