can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
