I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
