When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They have beer where we have blood.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
