I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They have beer where we have blood.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
