my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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