I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
