Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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