We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
