If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
