It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
