I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
